it could be better than this, but i'm okay with it now.

the past school year was a pretty difficult one for me. aside from the per usual stress of applying to college and trying to stay on top with marks, i had an emotional breakdown of sorts. everything piled up and came crashing down when i really didn't want it to, and it made the second half of the year one of the most ultimate hauls of my life. i even failed classes. but graduating a week ago made every tear, temper tantrum, and anxiety-provoking situation worth it. i picked up my diploma two days later and it set in stone the fact that the chapter of my life titled high school is, without a doubt, officially over.

i've become enamored with the idea of summer. i fall in love with it time and time again when i am hanging out with my friends, driving around with the windows down, or finding refuge from the excruciating heat in my backyard pool or the ocean at tobay beach. one of my favorite summer pasttimes is going to adventureland, and i got to do so yesterday with clara and nikki. absolutely amazing. we went at night so everything was lit up pretty and the lines weren't long. we even bought a picture of us on the log flume (after riding it twice since we didn't like the first photo).

my next big loads of excitement are my two harry potter events of the summer, the fifth movie and the seventh book. it's really and truly the end of an era, in literature and in my life in general. in all honesty, the harry potter series was so monumental to me growing up. reading the books made me want to become a writer, watching the films made me wobbly in the knees for british accents. it even enabled me to make friends, in person and through the internet. it's brought such excitement to my life, and also a kind of uninterrupted enthusiasm i don't think i'll find any other time in my life.

but summer is also bringing an onslaught of new-found responsibility. i am going away to school at the end of august and even though it isn't that far from home, actually being a full-time adult is worlds away. i still don't have a job but i've been looking, i even applied to 5 places at the mall a few days ago. still waiting for word but until then i think i'm going to help my aunts out with the babies. i'm going over tomorrow and tuesday and my aunt karen said she'd pay me for the hours i helped. and i hate that my grandma and mom have been so insistent on pointing out wherever my responsibility lacks. instead of making me want to be more responsible, it just makes me feel like shit.

however, right now i am going to my aunts' house for barbeque and to say goodbye to nancy, my aunt's partner's mom. it's her birthday and i need to go quickly write up a thank you card before i head over since she's been lovely and gave me a graduation present last week. hopefully next time i write in here it's on my new macbook!