why i shouldn't be allowed to have a blog: 1am on thursday edition

i'm looking through some pictures from the beginning of the school year and for some reason, it's leaving me super depressed. there is something so vivacious there in my face, something mildly excited and fresh and curious, something that has clouded over in my eyes since then. i used to be so happy-go-lucky and try my hardest to make everyone around me smile so that they'd be filled with just as much joy as i was. but lately i've felt like tarnished goods, like i'm malignant or spoiled in some way. the wiring between my head and heart is fragmented on the inside and the current can't flow through like it did before. i'm more blood than electricity these days, more cell than spark. i miss the feeling of being inhuman, of being invincible. it seems to be one defeat after another dragging me down chord by chord, sucking me dry from the socket. my battery has drained out of the energy i previously had to waste on making other people happy; now i don't even have it to use on myself. i'm running on empty. and i need to reboot before i crash completely.